i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
