You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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