Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
