I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
