Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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