you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
