2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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