So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize