Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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