That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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