Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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