Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
