Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
