Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
