I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
