I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I could make wine with my vomit
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
