Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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