It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
