He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
