Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
