I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize