I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize