She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
