Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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