So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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