420 ftw
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
