Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My vagina is very pro this idea
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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