yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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