she was so not down for the gang bang
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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