my vag is so smooth its legendary
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
