i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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