No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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