he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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