now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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