shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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