So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just pee around me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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