quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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