considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
