there's paper in my vomit.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
