So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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