Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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