i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
