Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
