Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
