Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
