so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
