Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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