Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
