So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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