we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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