Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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