well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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