In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
