My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
