Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize