Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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