drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize