This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
