She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
