on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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