it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
