i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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