i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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