I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
