his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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