I will die if light touches me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
