as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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