totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
