Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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