Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
