Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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