No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
