I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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