Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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