You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
