she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
