I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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