The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
