What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
