I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize