It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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